‘Yellowstone’ Season 5 Premiere: Craziest Moments and Burning Questions From Two Episodes Full of Bruising, Boozing and Big Belt Buckles

Synopsis:Yellowstone” has returned, and John Dutton (Kevin Costner) won the race for governor. But don’t worry: He totally hates it! 

Yellowstone season 5

Yellowstone’ Season 5 Premiere: Craziest Moments and Burning Questions From Two Episodes Full of Bruising, Boozing and Big Belt Buckles

SPOILER ALERT: This contains spoilers from the Season 5 opener of “Yellowstone,” which aired on the Paramount Network on Sunday, November 13.

“Yellowstone” is back, and John Dutton (Kevin Costner) has been elected governor. But don’t worry: he despises it! Despite the efforts of Market Equities and all the enemies the Dutton family has earned along the years, the position is entirely dedicated to preserving his family’s land.

Along for the ride are John’s children: the iconic Beth (Kelly Reilly), who is willing to die for the family; human weasel Jamie (Wes Bentley), who has been neutered as a result of Beth’s blackmail after he murders his biological father; and livestock officer Kayce (Kelly Reilly).

This season’s big two-episode premiere left us with many unanswered questions and stray thoughts, which are detailed below in real time.

Episode 1: “One Hundred Years is Nothing”

Has anyone ever been as depressed about becoming governor as John?

John has no desire to represent the entire state of Montana. At least he’s truthful when his opponent, Mr. East Coast Liberal Venti Latte, phones him to concede.

Is Jamie’s lowest point when everyone rushes out of the campaign war room to rejoice and the lights go out on him while he’s still inside? Embarrassing!

Beth’s deadly gaze at Jamie as the confetti falls…

How could that not drill a hole through his skull?

Caroline Warner (Jacki Weaver) deserves a shout-out for chucking not only her glass, but the entire bottle of whiskey, in anger. She’s enraged!

Yellowstone season 5, episode 1

Is Jamie still stupid enough to work with Market Equities? His family will be extremely dubious of anything he proposes.

Kylie Rogers plays young Beth expertly. Taylor Sheridan’s next project could be a “Gossip Girl”-style spinoff centred on the young bunkhouse.

The big, romantic sequences with Beth and Rip (Cole Hauser) are wonderful, but…kind Rip’s of right? Beth seemed to have apologised numerous times for the past. Everything is fine! Let us now look ahead.

If Chris Pratt dressed up as Rip for Halloween, why didn’t his wife Katherine Schwarzenegger dress up as Beth?!? The costume possibilities are limitless and, frankly, more entertaining than a garden fairy. And, before anyone gets too worked up, the garden fairy attire was tied to their two darling children, who were dressed as a butterfly and a bumblebee. But let’s dress those kids up as Lil’ Jamie and Lil’ Governor Dutton and have a party!

“Vodka makes me joyful,” says Beth… Is it finally time for the hard-drinking Duttons to get assistance for their bingeing? In the context of this “finding your happiness” discussion, that’s a pretty depressing line!

Yellowstone: Kayce and his family

Sincere question: Should Kayce and his family have their own show? Starting last season, they felt increasingly out of place in the main show’s ranching and political intrigue. Maybe a “Walker, Texas Ranger”-style spinoff where we learn more about his family, his fellow lawmen, and the true codes of the livestock agents. These anecdotes, such as seeing those free-healthcare-loving, fancy-pants Canadians at the border relinquish control because American prisons are notoriously rougher on lawbreakers than our criminal-loving cousins up north, appear shakier.

The Shane Smith And The Saints performance serves as a reminder that “Yellowstone” has one of the best alt-country soundtracks around. The official Spotify playlist for the concert is jam-packed with hits.

Episode 2: “The Sting Of Wisdom”

Brecken Merrill excels in a claustrophobic scenario in which Tate attempts to escape the vehicle collision, as well as his subsequent shock and hysteria while searching for his mother.

Sending a pin with your position to 911 is…very wise action, Tate!

Things are starting to get heavy…check let’s in with Rip’s tasselled chaps and massive belt buckle.

Chief of Staff Jim Roberts should have probably presented himself to Governor Dutton earlier in this transition.

Yellowstone season 5 takes a sharp political turn

It’s amusing to see John squirm as he learns his fantasy of a Ron Swanson-esque existence of perpetually skipping meetings won’t get him anywhere politically.

What a sad episode! If you need some emotional relief, click here for a bunch of pictures of dogs dressed up as cowboys. Yellowstone Ranch might not run as efficiently if they were in charge, but how cute would it be?!?

Rip had to shoot a horse? As if this episode wasn’t awful enough. Jeez!

*We never expected to see a — checks notes — mountain biker try to hit on Beth, but good luck!

*There’s nothing quite like a classic, five-degree Beth burn. Magnifique!

*Another “Yellowstone” special: Approach someone and sucker punch them in the face without saying anything when they question, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Rip’s intimidation and manipulation abilities are unrivalled. Though none of his schemes this season compare to placing a dangerous snake in a cooler, rattling it, and hurling it in a man’s face, the driftwood meets wolf collar scheme is quite clever.

Maybe this isn’t the intended mood, but will John hook up with his new aide Clara (Lilli Kay)? He likes younger women, but this would be too much for him. Related: Will he officially pardon his protestor fling Summer (Piper Perabo), or will he simply let her sit in jail?

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